Sorry? Actually, not Sorry I’ve been told countlessly by close friends that I apologise too much, but I would usually just smile and ignore their teasing. I never really thought too much about it until now. Why do I say “sorry” so much more than normal? Could it be home training? Could it be that I took the childhood rhyme: “There are 5 magic words...please, excuse me, sorry, thank you, and the last one- pardon me” 🎶🎵 more seriously than my teachers intended? I truly don’t know. Can I do without saying the word- “SORRY?” Let’s go on my introspection journey together. How Often Do I Apologise? I asked my friends this question, as I couldn’t answer by myself. Based on the results I got, they wished they had a way of removing the word from my vocabulary – but that’s not possible, is it? 🥲 What Are Some Weird Occasions I Have Said “Sorry”? Now this is where it gets funny. I wanted to be sure that my friends weren’t overthinking things. So, I thought about my physical, social, and work interactions to see if there is any sense in what they told me. Through this week, I’ve said SORRY in these scenarios: 1) To the woman at the restaurant I went to eat at when she accidentally spilled water on me, just as she was apologising. 2) To a co-worker who changed the scheduled meeting time without prior notice. 3) To the driver who kept nagging about how bad the roads were, even though I was also being discomforted by the bumpy ride. 4) To the person I lent out funds to when I finally decided to let go of the funds, seeing as a return wasn’t feasible. 5) To a colleague at work when I was about to ask a question - “Sorry, can I ask a question?” (I can’t believe I did that.) 😲🤯 6) To a friend who said he hadn’t eaten. (Was my “I’m sorry” supposed to provide the food?) Yeah, I know what you are thinking now. But don’t look at me that way. We are still on this introspection journey. Is Saying “Sorry” Such a Bad Thing? Most of the time, we use sorry as a filler, a way to be polite without coming off as offensive. Some people even use it as a way to tone down the effect of their demand. I am also guilty of the popular “no offense, but…” kinda messages where you want to say something bad, but don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings; or is it the “sorry-not-sorry”, where you are saying sorry, but you don’t mean it. There are so many off-ways it goes, which makes the word over-abused. It allows people — especially women (no offense to my beloved gender; I know I’m doing it again, but I mean it this time) — to get away with saying what the other person might not want to hear. Yet there are some –emphasis on “some” cases when using the word SORRY makes sense. Aside from writing, I work in a people-facing setting as a Community Manager. This needs me to engage with humans from various areas of the world with different temperaments, beliefs, thought patterns, etc. So saying sorry, being nice, polite, and maintaining a healthy environment for the community members come with the role. There are emails to be sent, newsletters to be written, etc and there are times when diplomacy is needed. Checked my sent messages on one of the platforms I work on and saw that I had used “sorry” 34 times in total, lol. In some cases, it couldn’t have been avoided, yes. But in some, it was just a way to not be deemed “bossy” or “aggressive” and it’s the same with so many women out there, especially those working in people-facing environments. Introspection is Over, What Next? Rachael Simmons, author of “The Curse of the Good Girl” said something and I will paraphrase it: ‘Women know that they need to be likeable to advance, and apologising often is one way to do this.’ Yet, saying “sorry” all the time makes us appear defensive and unsure. So how can we maintain likeability and competence when apologising still comes with its cons? The one way we as women can maintain our likeability and competence without appearing defensive or unsure is to “Let our words resonate louder than our apologies” according to @sheisnear23 on Twitter (X). Just as I have always known, we can’t do without saying sorry; but I can choose to be more intentional about expressing myself without using the word SORRY so much. From my introspection, I realised that my friends were right. I need to reduce the frequency at which I use the word “Sorry.” For me to do this, I have chosen to allow not just my words, but also my actions to resonate louder than any apology I would have given. Of course, it’s something I need to be conscious about and take active steps to work on. So from now onwards, I will express myself with clarity, set boundaries without remorse, and ask for what I deserve without apologising first. You should too. I’m rooting for you just as I am for myself. 🫂 #SheisNear#BOS#ExpressWithoutSorry