### July 9 Oh, where do I even begin with the absurdity of the things that were invented on July 9? It seems like the universe had a momentary lapse of judgment on that particular day. Prepare yourselves for a wild ride of hilariously stupid inventions! First up, we have the "Self-Cleaning Toaster." Yes, you heard that right, a toaster that supposedly cleans itself. Because who doesn't love the idea of their burnt toast magically disappearing into thin air? I can just imagine the disappointed faces of people who eagerly bought this invention, only to find out that it left crumbs and grease stains all over their kitchen countertop. Bravo, inventors, bravo! Next on the list is the "Automatic Hair Comber." Now, we all know how much of a struggle it can be to tame our unruly locks, but did we really need a machine to do it for us? I mean, call me crazy, but isn't part of the fun of combing your hair the possibility of getting it tangled and turning into a human version of Medusa? But no, someone thought it would be a genius idea to create a contraption that mindlessly combs your hair and takes away all the joy of making funny hairstyles in the mirror. Thanks for robbing us of that simple pleasure! Moving along, we come across the "Squirrel Translator." Oh, how I wish I was making this up! Apparently, some genius believed that squirrels have complex languages that need to be deciphered. So they invented a device that claims to translate squirrel chatter into human language. Can you imagine having conversations with squirrels? "Hey there, Mr. Squirrel, did you bury any acorns around here?" And the squirrel would reply, "Yes, my dear human friend, I buried approximately 20 acorns under your flowerbed. Enjoy!" Utterly ridiculous! Last but not least, we have the "Automatic Tie-Tying Machine." Because heaven forbid we spend a few seconds tying our own ties like capable adults. No, no, we must have a contraption that takes away the struggle of learning a simple knot and does it all for us. I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue if this invention malfunctioned. People walking around with their ties tangled up, or worse, their ties strangling them like tiny fashion assassins! Oh, July 9, what a day for the history books of absurdity. From self-cleaning toasters to squirrel translators, these inventions remind us that sometimes, intelligence and common sense are on an extended vacation. But hey, at least they give us a good laugh and remind us that even geniuses can have their moments of questionable brilliance.